Living the Dream

Sometimes I need enough solitary to come face to face with who I am.

Not with who I think I am.
Or who I want to be.
Or who I was yesterday.
Or last year.
But who I have become and what parts of myself I am currently inhabiting and invoking in the given present.

How much of my range of personality am I truly exercising and enjoying? How much lies dormant and fading from lack of use?
Who am I really?
Right now?

A single moment in time can never contain all that is a person. But breadth of character can only be maintained by use and revisiting.

Right now I risk fading. I don’t ever want to be part of the background. I don’t want to lose so much of what I used to hold so dear and enjoy when I forced myself to self-reflect. I don’t want to lose the dream.

Every time you ask a friend of mine at work how he is doing he answers,
“Living the Dream.”
It’s a sarcastic answer. Waiting tables is not the dream.

So much of what I see now is dull and grey and fading.