Chemicals

“He fixed and consumed his humble breakfast: tea with powdered milk; Hayduke’s Munchies, a private Granola mix; beef jerky; an orange. Sufficient. Squatting close to the fire, he sipped his tea. Chemicals: his mind cleared.”

~George Hayduke in Edward Abbey’s The Monkey Wrench Gang

I’m currently amazed by exactly how much of my days are affected by the “chemicals” I choose to put into my body. Some days I feel completely flat, such as this morning. I can sit in my bed and list off things I can & should be doing with my day and not be stirred much by any of them. It doesn’t matter if they are mundane chores like balancing my checkbook or vacuuming my apartment (I bought a vacuum last week!) or things that should get me excited like reading more of Ignatieff’s Human Rights book or going for a run. Other times, such as now I find my self at a coffee shop wanting to run outside & tackle the entire world after researching some amazing law school options and listening to some of Ani’s new CD on the web. Looking at the difference of only a few hours its hard not to put down the main difference to the empty 16 oz. depth charge sitting next to me (coffee with a shot of espresso to the un-initiated :). For a more negative example I can easily think to the wasted afternoons where I had one to many beers at the bar while watching the World Cup. Normally such things aren’t a big deal because one goes home and goes to sleep (which is exactly what I did). It has a much bigger impact on the days productivity though when the World Cup games are on at one o’clock in the afternoon. One can also take the idea of “chemicals” in a much wider sense than the beer & coffee that drove Hayduke’s days. I wonder exactly how much of my energy & pacing issues comes from my erratic eating schedule & lack of consistency to my diet. I’m still that person who will completely forget meals, or will feel slightly hungry & absent-mindedly eat an entire pint of ice cream only to wonder an hour later why I’m not hungry to eat dinner with BK. It also brings up the internal battles of Order & Chaos in my mind. How much routine is healthy & sufficient to keep the balance of chemicals & sleep enough in line to function at a high level of consciousness throughout the day? How much routine is acceptable before it starts choking off creativity & life?